Friday, October 31, 2008

for some reason my house smells like dirty old rotten burnt peanut butter... so that is discouragement enough

Skipped my first class again today because I couldn't decide what to wear in time. Wtf. It's so stupid, but I feel seriously incapable of leaving the house until I feel confident in my outfit. Probably part of my need to present myself to others in a certain way. Does anyone else feel a compulsive need to look 'presentable' before leaving the house?
Since I'm otherwise fairly caught up on my work, I went to the library today and took out some books about disordered eating. Honestly, I'm still hesitant to identify with the term 'anorectic' since I do not fit all the criteria, but the disordered part I'll own up to. Had some interesting tidbits, including that if you go below 25 kcal a day your body will go into hibernation mode and actually bulk up. Good to know.
Continued with the reading material while at the supermarket and picked up this book to carry around as a reference since I can't always have Google at my fingertips. I must have looked like the oddest person, purchasing that, Shape magazine, a diet nutrition bar, protein water mix, and a shitload of Halloween candy. But dammit I am living in a house for the first time in 3 years and I will give children candy tomorrow.

small yerba mate soy latte - 100
half cup juice + water - 40
cherry coke zero - 0
nutrition bar thing - 230
TOTAL: 390

I was going to fast completely but I didn't want to totally send my body into shock after that fiasco yesterday. Felt so guilty after the nutrition bar and was slightly freaking out and wanted to purge so badly, though. Looking at the empty wrapper was like looking at failure, even though I objectively knew that I needed the protein and stuff in it. I was at a bus stop so I couldn't, luckily. Still feeling bad about it but trying not to.

Tomorrow is Halloween, which means candy and alcohol. Holy shit. Restrict like crazy during the day to make up for the alcohol I am sure will be imbibed later in the night. Maybe some hummus on veggies at work since I'm supposed to eat a meal, but that's it other than liquids.

1 comment:

hey.hana said...

to answer your question: yes.

That's why no matter how tired I am I always pick out my clothes the night before, and I've practiced make up so much it's a second nature now.

Though it still takes me forever to get ready, which is fine. Less time for food :D